California – May 2017

For those who didn’t know, I was away during May. I was in California, mostly in Los Angeles. I had a lovely time with my other half and I spent time with my best friend who I had missed dearly. Two whole years since I saw him and it meant the world to me to see him again.

I met some of my friends who I had also missed dearly. I didn’t have a lot of time so I wasn’t able to see everyone which was a shame. Doesn’t mean I don’t like them less or anything it was just lack of time and place. For those who were able to meet me, I was very happy to catch up.

We rented a car and traveled all over the place. The longest route was to San Francisco. I had been there before so it wasn’t anything new but I went there to see my friends and to explore once again. I went to San Jose for the first time and it was quite warm compared to San Francisco. I was so surprised. The place we were staying at was in San Bruno and it was foggy AF there, like Silent Hill foggy. I was not fond of that weather at all. The place we stayed at had a indoor pool so I was freezing when I went to point A to B just for that swim. As soon as you leave that area, the fog is gone and you see the sun shining through, crazy. Not staying there next time I am down. *Shivers*
I think I lost time of how many times I went to the Cheesecake Factory but one thing I was disappointed was that I didn’t have my cheesecake : ( of all the things to miss. Vanilla Bean and Oreo Cheesecake…I will get you next time.

I had my Korean BBQ though, bless. I love Korean BBQ and we don’t have that self frying pan, whatever you call it here and I am mad disappointed. All you can eat BBQ is like heaven, gosh I am drooling just writing this. Calm down Siara.

Tender Greens is nice too. Not the comfiest place to sit and eat but the food is worth it. Kinda healthy…I guess.

The only fast food I actually enjoy eating is In N Out, nothing beats that. It’s not AMAZING like everyone says it is, because I feel like everyone is overrating it but it’s definitely a go to place if I would pick a fast food place. The animal style fries…yes please.


Okay I just realized that I am writing about food again which is a bit depressing. I did do other things than eating food. I went hiking in west LA, I went to the beach, hired a bike and biked around the boardwalk. I also went to the Santa Monica Pier (my hoooood) and went to the small cozy Santa Monica arcade like the good ol times.

I went to Little Tokyo in Downtown LA and had Japanese Udon noodles. (damn it food related again)


All of this made me so emotional and it’s crazy how my three years in LA went by so fast. It’s a place I adore and it will always be my home no matter where I am in this world. I have moved to a lot of places and whenever I wonder back on memory lane, LA pops into my mind. I will never let that go, it’s my happy little place and I was blessed to be able to live there.

I hope this post didn’t get cheesy and too much food related. There is also a video montage if you’re interested to watch. Hope you enjoy.

– Siara

Is it Impossible to get Over a Fear?

Is it impossible to get over a fear?

Is it really? Or is that something we humans have put into our brain so that we don’t dare to face them? There are many questions regarding this and usually the case in this scenario is that people ignore their fears rather facing them. Why? It’s because it’s “easier” to just ignore it and pretend like nothing is wrong in the first place.

I’m here to tell you that fears are not impossible to overcome. I used to be one of those who’d rather ignore it and just get along with my life but due to a certain decision in my life I had no other choice to face that particular fear.

In 2012 I had decided that I wanted to move to America, California, LA. The distance from Sweden to LA is 8827 km, and it takes about 16 hours to get there with an airplane, including one layover. I have a fear of being “trapped” (not literally) as in, being inside an airplane for X amount of hours without being able to leave. That freaks me out. If I ride a bus I know that I can get off whenever I want on whatever stop but an airplane is a different story. I had never been on a long flight alone before too which made the whole experience even more difficult. I had no other choice than just get along with it. I decided to move and that was the sacrifice I had to make. I’ve taken about X flights within 2012-2017 and I never thought it would be able to get used to flying oversees back and forth from America to Europe. Today, I am way stronger than I was back in 2012 and that’s because I dealt with this fear rather than ignoring it.

So what’s my point with this post? Just to prove to you that a fear can dealt with as long as you are brave enough to face them. Don’t let that stop you from achieving a dream or getting stronger. You will learn and grow out of this.

It’s kinda funny writing about this because I’m actually on a plane right now heading to London. It just popped up into my mind.

 

– Siara

Pugsly the Pug

This post is going to be dedicated to my favorite dog that I used to know. I know that this post is not the typical post I make on my blog but I really wanted to write this.

5 years ago, I met my first friend in Los Angeles, who is currently one of my best friends. He then introduced his pug named Pugsly to me. Before I met Pugsly, I wasn’t fond of Pug’s. I thought they were a bit…ugly? Harsh I know but that’s what I thought back then. But, when I met him for the first time, I just fell in love with him. He was the most adorable dog I’ve ever met. His personality changed the way I thought about Pug’s. Ever since I gotten to know him, I started liking pug’s and every time I would see one outside I would always pet them and think about Pugsly back in California. I’ve never had a dog before but I felt like Pugsly was a big part of my life ever since I gotten to know him. I saw him almost everyday for two years when I was living in the same apartment complex as my best friend. The third year wasn’t as much but I was still around him often. I was dog sitting every time my friend had to go somewhere or even leave town for a while. I called him my “Ugly little monster” (in a good way). I had my best friends house keys on me all the time if I ever felt like seeing Pugsly, that’s how close I was/am with my best friend.

Yesterday, my best friend called me and told me that Pugsly had passed away. I thought it was a joke because it was first of April. So I laughed and said “Good one, but you can’t fool me on this day”, then he said that he swore on his life and his family that he wasn’t joking. I got speechless and said once again “Are you not joking? Really?” His voice changed and I could hear how he is trying to remain calm while talking to me. I started to cry, trying to hold it in but I failed hard. Even write this now is making me cry. I just couldn’t accept it nor believe it. The sad thing is that, I bought a ticket to LA not too long ago because I knew that Pugsly was sick and I was worried I wouldn’t see him ever again. So hearing that yesterday made me feel so sad. I wasn’t suppose to go to LA until Fall but I didn’t want to risk the wait and bought it for the end of this month. One month too late, that’s what keeps repeating in my head right now. I wish I went last year, I shouldn’t have waited this long. I regret it so much, I really wanted to see him again. It’s hard writing this without holding my tears back. I loved Pugsly so much that every time I would see anything pug related I would buy it because it reminded me of him. I even have a picture of him framed on my shelf. Is this is how it feels to lose a dog you’re close to? It feels horrible. 15 years with someone and then they’re gone, it’s heartbreaking.

I hope this post didn’t make you sad but I wanted to share my love for Pugsly the Pug and how much he meant to me.

– Siara

Twitch did WHAT??!

(no, I couldn’t align the video to the center smh)

This post might be a bit different of what I usually post but I really wanted to make this post. So it was International Women’s last week and I decided to stream. Out of the blue some guy named Kyle came into my stream with a weird icon (a wrench) next to his name, I’ve never seen it before so I was a bit confused. I eventually found out that he was part of the Twitch Staff. With my lame sense of humor, I started joking about hiding the drugs (very funny I know) but he eventually explained to me what he does and apparently he handles on the social media accounts for Twitch. He also explained to me that he used to work for IGN’s social media in the past. So he was the person who retweeted my tweet months ago for IGN about a Snapchat tweet I did. Man the world is so small. It was a coincidence that he was in my stream though, not sure why he clicked on my stream of all the others. It could be because my title was Happy International Women’s Day! Perhaps, I still don’t know for sure. Anyways, let’s continue the story. After a few minutes of talking, he mentioned why he was in my stream. Apparently he was going to tweet out my stream on Twitch’s official Twitter page and post it on their FB page. I was like What? WHAT? I was not expecting that to happen at all. So Kyle worked on his magic and BAM it was UP! My chat went crazy for a while, a lot of people stopped by that evening and I kept panicking haha. Regardless, it was a fun experience.

Thanks #KyleBae

– Siara

People Change

Today’s post is going to be about something everyone goes through in life, everyone.

I’ve lost count of how many people I have met in life that used to be close to me, close as in a real sister/brother. When I was young (teenager) I always thought that it was weird to suddenly grow apart from someone. I thought if you’re really close to someone then you’ll be friends forever…but boy I was wrong. I was too young to understand life, too young to understand how the human brain works.

People change, you change, everyone changes. Some friends change so much that you’re willing to drop the friendship for good because there is too much negativity to it. Negativity won’t lead you to any good so better off without it. Childhood friends ends up nothing but a memory in the end. Sounds a bit sad I know.

Now, I am not saying that all my childhood friends are out of the window, don’t get me wrong. I still have some friends that I’ve known since kindergarden and I know for a fact that we will be friends no matter what happens. Why? Because we keep it real. By that I mean if we have something against each other we tell, we don’t hide it and talk shit about it. That’s what a true friendship is about. You argue, talk it out and then you resolve it, like you do in a relationship. You know who your true friends are that you can count on no matter what.

I’ve had a lot of “best” friends in the past that didn’t grow up, spoke shit constantly, couldn’t stop lying and couldn’t stop with their drama and keep they couldn’t their shit together. These kind of friends are just not worth your time. Some friends you used to be good terms with suddenly changed in a way you didn’t like and you just wanted to leave. It has happened to me quite a bunch of times. Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, I am just explaining it for you to understand that people change along their path of life, nobody stays the same. I am not saying that change is bad thing but sometimes, some changes might not be as good as you hoped they would be. Some friends also end up dropping you out of their lives, that has also happened to me a few times. I always question myself and think, is there something wrong with me? Have I done something wrong? If you haven’t done anything then it’s probably because they couldn’t handle your awesomeness. Some girl I used to know (I was 13 at the time) told me on the phone that she couldn’t handle me because I had too much energy (LOL) so yeah there you go, she wanted to hang with boring people. Good for her.

My whole point with this post is that don’t dwell about the past over old friends, it’s just part of life. Along your own path you will stubble on new friends, new faces and get new memories. Keep your chin up and smile.

(picture above was taken in Sequoia Parks, California)

– Siara

A New Chapter, Sacrifices & Growth

2017 will probably be one of my favorite years. I can’t tell you all the details yet but I have some big news to announce and I am looking forward to it. I am going to show my life a bit more than usual, open up which will be a bit weird because I am not used to it but it’s something I really want to do.

I want to grow and experience things. I want to see the world with my own eyes. There are so many things I want to do this year and I feel like it’s only the beginning. I turned 25 last week, which is insane. At the age of 20, I got a one way ticket to America, solo. I lived there for three whole years, crazy I know. Sometimes, you get a wake up call in life of wanting to do something new and risky. A lot of people don’t dare to even do them, instead they keep dreaming about it. Let me tell you a little secret, dreaming won’t take you anywhere. If you want to do things, you have to take the steps for yourself. Even if it’s baby steps, it still counts as progress. I am not talking about moving oversees now, I am talking about everything in life.

New things sounds scary, especially when it’s risky but how are you suppose to grow and learn from your mistakes when you don’t even make a single move at all? When you take a step and fail, you’ll know what to do next time to carry on. It makes you stronger along the way and wiser. Just because you fail doesn’t mean that you’ve lost it all. Failure is knowledge. It’s like the first time you fell off your bicycle when you were a kid when you took the short bumpy road rather than the long and even one. There are no shortcuts in life, same thing goes with success. Nothing is offered free in life, in order to achieve you have to be willing to sacrifice something in return.

This post is dedicated to those who are afraid of taking that first step. I want to tell you, whoever you are that everything will be fine as long as you keep walking forward. It will take time but eventually, you’ll get there.

You only live once, right?

– Siara

Thank you for 2016 Bunny Squad <3

This post is dedicated to my followers on Twitch. I want to thank all of you who has been around in 2016. Some of you might be old followers from 2015 and some of you might be new followers from 2016. Regardless of when you guys followed/supported me, I just want to say thank you. I might not be the perfect streamer on Twitch, I try to be to though. I know my humors are dryer than the desert but I still try to make lame jokes and make you guys smile. I am happy that I can be myself online, not a wannabe and be accepted of who I am. I know that I don’t stream as much as I did before, it makes me a bit sad. Hopefully I can grow more this year and stream more than before!

You guys rock my world and you mean a lot to me. Thank you so much for all the love and support.

Let’s make 2017 a good one shall we?

– Siara

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or is it?

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December, lights, music and yummy food. It sounds good doesn’t? But, everyone doesn’t have that feeling of joy in December, even though they have everything they need in life.

Winter can be depressing at times (depends where you live). If you live in a dark cold place like I do then you will relate to this post. This post is going to be about how to get the Christmas spirit back up on cloud 9, like it used to be when you were a kid.

Before I get into it, I know some of you might not even celebrate Christmas but this post is a guidance to those who doesn’t like cold winters so it might help you a bit too, so don’t give up reading this yet!

Small meaningful things matters. I always told myself that in life, you don’t have to make major changes to be able to enjoy it to the fullest. Start appreciating small things in life! It could be from looking forward to eat a yummy meal for dinner to seeing a childhood friend for coffee. It is that simple.

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Food. Some of the small things I enjoy in life is food. I like trying new dishes, eating my favorite dishes and taking nice foodporn angled pictures! Some people don’t see food the way I do of course, everyone is different but if you’re like me when it comes to food, then keep doing what you’re doing.

Challenges. I love to challenge myself in something. If I have a goal or a deadline I try my best to be as creative as possible and just make it happen. Even if I don’t manage to finish a goal in time, I would still be proud of myself for finishing what I started. That satisfaction is the best. So try to be creative and make a list of things you want to do week by week.

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Baking. This might categorize as food but I still think it’s a bit different. During December you will stumble on a lot of Christmas decorations and a lot of Christmas music, the only thing that is missing is the baking! Start baking something that contains cinnamon and ginger! There are tons of recipes out there that you can try! Perhaps it’s time to skill up your baking skills? You will end up learning something at the same times as making something yummy. Isn’t that awesome?

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Decorating. November is almost at its end and Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Usually, you wait until Thanksgiving is over until you start with the decorations but you know what? Who cares? If you feel like putting up your tree before that time, good for you! An early start might give you a small boost of Christmas spirit!

Candles. This might sound ridiculous but this actually helps. Scented candles is like therapy for me. Try to find Christmas scented candles for your home! My ultimate favorite is Apple Cinnamon Pumpkin from Bath & Body Works. Their candles are A.M.A.Z.I.N.G! They last for a long time too. I bought two candles from there years ago and it took two years to actually finish them off. Note that I didn’t use them everyday. I did light them up often though, mostly when I was taking a bubble bath. Ah, good times. You can find out more of their products here.

Lists. (yeah yeah my handwriting sucks eh) Don’t wait until the New Year starts to follow up with your New Years resolution, start today! Start making a list of things you want to do and accomplish. Also, keep track on your accomplished goals so that you remember them and feel happy about the outcome. Don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back too.

Events. Are you good at organizing things and do gatherings? Perhaps you should start hosting your own events! Try to organize an event once a month with your friends. It could be a hangout at home playing board games or going bowling. It’s really up to you! Make a group chat/event on a platform and make it happen.

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Playlist. If you’re trying to get the Christmas spirit up, make sure to make a Christmas playlist on Spotify! (or any other platform you use for music) If you’re not into Christmas music then make a winter playlist of your favorite old and new music.


Movies. Last but not least, Christmas movies. The one I recommend the most is Home Alone. That one is a good nostalgic “Christmasy” movie. It always airs on tv close to Christmas and I love that movie so much. If you’re not fond of that movie no worries! There are tons more out there!

I hope this list gave you some inspiration of things to do during this cold and dark winter. Let me know if you’re already doing some of these things!

– Siara

Stereotype Gamers

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This is a subject that does pass by from time to time when I meet new people in my life. It’s something I have to deal with and accept but that doesn’t mean I can’t vent it out somewhere.

I am sick and tired of people who stereotype gamers, I hate it. It’s something I have been through since I was a kid. People would be surprised that I would play games just because I was a girl. Does it bloody matter if I am a girl or a boy? No it does not.

The kids would talk about GTA 3 in the playground at elementary school (sorry once again ma for playing it underaged) and I would join their conversation out of the blue because I would know exactly what they’re talking about. The boys would give me a weird surprising look and ask me if I had played the game. At the time I didn’t understand why, but the older I got the more I realised that girls who played games were “rare” even though we really weren’t. That’s why I ended up not liking to talk about games as often because it would be considered as different and I couldn’t be bothered with it. It’s a bit sad now when I think about it.

My interest for games were a bit different than a casual gamer because I wanted to be a designer myself which meant that the conversation would eventually come up. My studies for example, people would ask me what I was currently studying. I didn’t feel comfortable when someone would ask, especially a guy. As soon as I would tell, they would get surprised and then ask me “Wait, you play video games?” …if i study to become a designer then of course I’d have a big interest in playing as well. Some people are just blockheads. Then I suddenly notice that the guy starts acting a bit more attracted to me for some weird ass reason. Maybe they’re hoping we’d kick it and play some games or something, I don’t know. Then they would say that I don’t look like one of those and I would ask “Those? What do you mean by those?” Of course, I already knew what the guy was about to say but I wanted to be 100% sure and hope that there is still hope in humanity when it came to the gaming community. “You don’t look like a typical gamer” …okay I am done. This is one of the lamest questions I’ve ever heard in my entire life. What the fudge does that even mean? One of “those” ? It’s like they’re trying to make up their own species or something. You know what he says next? “A fat guy who plays games in the dark and eats Taco Bell” …WTF dude. WTF. I was done talking with this dude. I excused myself asap and just walked away. Bloody moron. The sad thing is that this has happened a lot of more times before too that’s why I kept avoiding talking about it.

Recently I was hanging with my friend and I was talking about a game with her (she doesn’t game) and then her boyfriend then says “Siara should’ve been born as a guy because she’s so into games” …….So let me get this straight, you say that just because that I am a woman it is wrong to game? I have to be a man to be normal? Call me a feminist bitch but that’s bloody sexist. I got so angry when he said that. Wtf dude. Not a fond of him ever since.

I don’t avoid talking about gaming as much today because I work in the field and it’s a part of my life now. I just embrace it and accept that there are some small minded assholes out there that lives under a rock under the sea somewhere and I guess they need some education but they just aren’t smart enough to store that education inside their small minded brains. That’s why they keep choking out nonsense out of their throats. If you happen to be one of those people then try store this info and next time when you approach a woman in the gaming industry, treat her equal.

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I am proud to be woman and being a part of the gaming industry.

– Siara

A Girl’s Confession

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A lot of people have asked me why I wanted to become a game designer (even before my studies) and I wanted to talk about it here on my blog.

Why did I want to become a game designer? It all started with my obsession with The Legend of Zelda – A Link to the Past. My dad got me a Super Nintendo when I was about three years old and I fell in love with the console. I was a noob at playing games (obviously, because I was three) but I kept playing and playing until I would somehow solve the puzzles in the game (it was not skilled based though, it was all luck.) Some of the games that I played didn’t even have any English subtitles, they were all in Japanese. Not that my English were on point at that age, I could barely speak any Swedish. I would play Megaman-X, Donkey Kong Country, Super Mario World and last but not least, The Legend of Zelda – A Link to The Past. I am not gonna lie, I was obsessed with that game. I wouldn’t let my little brother play that game because I was worried that he would save over my file or break the game. We would always get into fights because of that. My mum would end up taking the power supply of the Super Nintendo and we wouldn’t be able to play anything for days due to our silly fights. Good times (Sorry brother)

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This might sound ridiculous but it actually took me about seven years to beat The Legend of Zelda – a Link to the Past. Why? Well I could barely hold a controller at the age of three and how the hell would I be able to complete a game that involved puzzles and understanding English? It was too hard for me. I completed the game at the age of 10 and I was still a noob when it came to English. I had to ask my mum for help to understand some of the clues but she stopped helping me at one point. She was too busy with her exams anyways. I even asked the neighbor for help, he was a few years older than me. He also got tired of helping eventually. So I had to figure this game out without understanding the clues in the game. It was tricky but I made it in the end. After I actually completed the game, I was lost. All these years of struggling and fighting was now over. I started  to feel empty inside, it was a weird feeling indeed. The fact that I spent so much time playing that game and completed it in the end made me feel like I wanted more. I started to look up to Shigeru Miyamoto later on, he was like a hero to me then, still is today.

The older I got, the more Zelda games got released. I ended up playing Ocarina of Time. I compared the game with A Link to the Past and I was so amazed how the 3D environment looked compared to the over top down 2D. & the music was just beautiful. The composers did such a good job back then.

When they announced Twilight Princess I got super excited but at the same time a bit worried if they would make a lot of changes or not. When I finally got the game, I locked myself in my room and started playing it non stop. It took me 3-4 days to complete it. Which is a bit sad compared to the seven years of struggling with A Link to the Past. I am not gonna lie, Twilight Princess is one of my favorite Zelda games. That game was very dark and different compared to the other games but they made it work so well and I was amazed with the design. I was so emotionally attached to the characters in the game that I started crying at the end. I was so amazed how a game made me feel this way, how connected I felt in their world and emotionally attached. This made me release that I also want to create and make people smile, laugh and cry while playing a game. I wanted to make people happy and to be emotionally attached to the characters and the gameplay.

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The conclusion? I blame my dad for buying me a Super Nintendo. So I would say it’s thanks to my dad that I am a Game Designer today. Perhaps I should buy him a cake, or maybe some chocolate? Hmm.

Thanks dad, you’re awesome.

 

– Siara