Blow Back by Akira Yamaoka | Silent Hill: Origins

Halloween is near and I was craving to sing a song composed by the one and only Akira Yamaoka. If you haven’t heard of his work of art before then you sure have missed out. Although, I must say that it is not for everyone out there. If you are a Silent Hill fan then I’m sure you know what I am talking about.

Back in 2014 I actually emailed Mr Yamaoka saying that I really loved his work. He ended up replying back, saying he was happy that I enjoyed his art. 6 years later I decided to sing one of his songs, a tiny bit late for a fan I must say, but better late than never, right?

For those of you that haven’t played any “Silent Hill” game before, then I recommend you to start if you love horror games! It’s my favorite series of all horror games out there.


I hope you enjoy this little piece. Huge thanks to my love for playing the guitar along with my singing.

Akira Yamaoka website: http://www.akirayamaoka.jp/

– Siara

The Purpose in Life

Do you ever wake up in the mornings thinking,

– “Here we go again” or “Another day”?

The older I get the tired I get with certain things. I realised being a child was easier, no responsibilities nor any worries. As soon as you walk into adulthood you realise how hard it is to actually cope with everything.

I remember when I was about 8 and I was thinking to myself how much I hated growing up, I didn’t want it. The older I got I noticed my friends wanted to grow and turn 18 as soon as possible so that they could move out and do their own thing. I was the complete opposite, I wanted to stay at my parents place as long as possible.

Of course I would occasionally feel frustrated with my parents and I too wanted to do my own thing (teenage years were the worst due to the hormones), but that happens with everyone. Being a teenager is part of growing up and it is normal to go through those emotions in life.

Being the kid that didn’t want to move out at anytime made me became the complete opposite when I turned 18. I wanted to grow outside of my comfort zone and decided to move out sooner than I expected. At the time, I was together with this boy and he ended up breaking my heart one too many times. After that experience, I wanted to change, I wanted to do something for me for once and no one else. So I decided to move to another country by myself, all the way to California. Why? Because I felt like that was my calling, my purpose in life.

When I moved I learned a lot, and when I mean a lot, I mean A LOT. America was completely to Sweden, the fact that I had to pay to wash my clothes was a big shock to me. The washing machine was in the same apartment complex, but I still had to pay to use it! In my eyes that was absurd! That is when I started to realise how good we had it in Sweden.

I had to start living independently in a foreign country. It was a big challenge for me because I was alone and I had no friends at the time but at the same time I felt like it was my purpose to do this, my mission, my path to take.

I wanted to grow as a person and to experience things by myself. I realised that life is full of surprises and that whatever you plan for, it is not set in stone.

My plan was to stay in the states for 10 years, or even forever after my graduation, but I met a man that changed everything I had planned for. I realised I had another purpose in life after I met him, that was to spend my life with him and to stay by his side.

He came unexpectedly into my life and that made me change everything. It was a risk but I thought if I don’t do this then I will regret this for the rest of my life. I did not want to live with that regret. I was happy before I met him but when I met him I felt like I was on cloud nine all the time, he made my life better just by his presence. If only he knew how much.

Life is full of surprises and you cannot control the obstacles in life, you have to face them and decide what to do with them. Nothing goes smooth in life, nothing will be served on a silver plater.

Your purpose in life will always change, shape, grow and make you fall. It will always be like that, on shuffle. One day you might even be stuck in a limbo and that is when you have to make the decision to change for the better, like you waking up thinking “Another day, here we go again.”

Perhaps you’re not living life the way you want to? Only you know the answer. Don’t punish yourself with these feelings, try to find that purpose and change.

It will be for the better, especially mentally.

– Siara




I Asked Him to Marry Me

Silly title,
Silly subject.

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear someone got engaged?

How did he propose? 

I sent a picture of my ring to my friends and I got a few interesting reactions. Some didn’t realize it was a engagement ring, whilst others connected the dots right away.

The first question was,

“How did he ask you?”

I smiled.

I mean how would they know?

Since the beginning of time, it’s typical for a man to ask a woman for their hand in marriage, but why is that so? I thought we were suppose to be equal? I thought a woman can do whatever she wants to do? So why does the man have to ask? Why put all the pressure on him?

Every culture share different ideas with the concept of marriage, in some countries you have to ask permission from the partners parents first, others you don’t even get to choose your partner. Some might see them as silly wedding traditions, whilst others see them as sacred.

Why did I ask?

I always told myself as a kid that I would ask someone to marry me if it felt right and if I was ready. I didn’t expect my partner to ask me nor would he know that I would ask him. I would just leave it and see who would ask first. Even if he did beat me to it, I wouldn’t have had any hard feelings. If it happens, it happens.

I wanted to ask him to marry me in Paris because that’s where our relationship started many years ago. Was he expecting it? No. Never in a million years. Did he know that I had something planned? Clearly not, his face said it all.

It took him 10 minutes to realize that I was asking him to marry me. At first he thought that it was a prank, which I found hilarious.

I handed him a gift and told him it’s an early birthday present. He opened it and saw a pen with the engraving,

“Will you marry me Joshua?”

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The next day, he bought me a ring in Paris and put it on my finger.

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That’s what happened. I asked him to marry me and now I have a fiancée.

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– Siara

Greed

How low can you go? How much would you sacrifice to gain? To control? To become inhumane?

There are people out there that would even sell their soul to the devil to achieve anything in life, to kill, torture, sell out and to take advantage of. Perhaps some of these examples are a bit extreme but this is the truth we are facing in this world. We might not see it all because it’s getting all filtered in the media, to make it more “mild” perhaps.

Being taken advantage of might not be as something serious as the other examples I wrote above but it does hurt regardless. Imagine if one of your closest friends suddenly talked bad about you behind your back…saying she/he is only friends with you because they would gain benefit from it, not because they like you or consider you as a friend. Sure you can cross her/him off your friends list but is it really that simple? To remove someone you care about from your heart?

I’ve come to realize many years later with certain friends that I still think fondly of them even though they treated me like trash. I don’t know why but it’s something my heart doesn’t allow me to do, it’s like safe block deep down in there. I find it ridiculous but I always see the good in people, even though they treated me like I was an object. I wonder if it’s because I pity them, pity that they’re living such a sad life by greed, for not knowing what the real meaning of life is. I can’t put myself in their shoes, I wouldn’t do that to anyone, I would feel filthy, ashamed and miserable.

My conclusion to all of this is that, we all are lonely, but greedy people might suffer with a deeper loneliness that a lot of people would never understand. Perhaps they’re the ones that are in desperate for help, that needs to be pulled out of the gutter.

I pity them.

– Siara

 

Honesty

Whenever you face something in life and think or have regrets…does that mean you’re being honest to yourself or to the person you’re with?

I have learned a lot these past few years. I’ve learned that life is short and that every person you meet in your daily life (aka strangers) won’t be around the next day. When I see someone standing at the bus stop or in my local grocery store I always smile automatically to them because I feel like it’s my duty to do so. If I see someone have the coolest outfit or something that I think looks amazing (make-up, hair, shoes etc.) I let that person know because I think that they deserve hearing that.

I have a little voice in my head, this voice reminds me when I see someone that I need to talk to this person and tell them how I feel. It’s weird I know but I feel like if I don’t tell them how I feel then they will never know. I like to be honest and I like to share my thoughts out loud. I mean sure, we shouldn’t be too honest at times because that could be considered as rude but you get my point.

If you’re being honest with people from the bottom of your heart (not just strangers) it opens up a new relationship. People end up being more comfortable with you and appreciate your honesty. Denying and telling people what they want to hear won’t last you long in terms of relationship. If a friend of mine is trying a dress that doesn’t look good on her body, I am not gonna tell her it looks good just because she wants to hear that herself. Of course I might hurt her feelings if she actually liked the dress but in the end I want her to know that I want the best for her and not just pretend to like what she likes just to satisfy her beliefs. Of course, I wouldn’t go so far to say or tell certain things to a friend because I knew it would hurt them, there is a limit of course. I am a very straightforward person but I do also care about peoples feelings (I am not a robot after all)

It’s important to be honest with people because if you’re not, how are they gonna trust you? Being “fake” nowadays seems normal and it’s sad to see that among friends.

You can define fake however you want, that word can mean so many things nowadays so I am just gonna leave it for your imagination.

– Siara

Dear you

Dear you,

Why are you so fragile and so cold,
When you’re surrounded by love and gold.
You’re not a monster, can’t you see?
Your reflection is more than just a absentee.
Smile to me, don’t be afraid,
I am here to guide you and to aid.
Don’t look down, look up,
I want to have a closer look, a close up.
Don’t shed more tears, let it go,
You’re more than that, no more sorrow.

Dear me,

Why are you so fragile and so cold..

Dear Sofia

I wanted to dedicate this post to a random person I met at the hair salon two months back. Her name is Sofia. Sofia saved my bangs that day, by saving I meant trimmed it so that I can finally see again (it was way too long). I actually went to that hair salon randomly. I googled nearby hair salons that had drop in hours and I found that one. Not did she only trim it but she also refused to accept any payment from me due to the fast/four minute service. I kept telling her that I wanted to at least pay something but she refused…Instead, she gave me her business card. I felt guilty yet happy. It’s always nice to meet people like her so I am dedicated this post to Sofia. Thank you Sofia, you rock.

(expect a random lunch drop soon…)

– Siara

Planet Earth, my home, my place.


There is something that has been bothering me for quite some time now and I wanted to vent out here about it.

“Where are you from?”

This question is one of the most commonest questions people end up asking when they meet for the first time. I have been so sick of hearing that my whole life and I always wondered why I thought that way.
It took a while for me to realise why and it was because I was too young to understand it. When I would reveal that I was born in Sweden, people would always have that look on their faces…that judgmental, confusing look. Then, they would ask more questions regarding my looks.

“Why aren’t you blonde?” “Are you really Swedish?” “Where are you really from?” “Why do you have dark hair?” “You look too exotic to be Swedish”

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind when people ask me about my origins but there are nicer way of asking than the “Why aren’t you blonde?” question. “What is your heritage?” is a perfect example and I bless the people who have asked me that in the past instead of the other questions above.

My parents are from Iran, hence the reason why I don’t have any scandinavian features. Although, I still consider myself as Swedish because I was born there, I grew up there with the culture and the people.
But that’s not why I am writing this, it’s something else that is bothering me.

All my life I have been questioning where I actually belong at and where I would call “home”. I’ve always felt so lost and confused when I dwelled about it. Traveling made me forget all that, it made me feel like I was welcome wherever I visited.

Planet earth, my home my place is a poem made by Michael Jackson and the way he described the Earth was very simple yet unique.

I would read and listen to that poem multiple times when I was a kid and I couldn’t quite understand it back then but when I got older, it made more sense to me.

“Planet Earth, my home, my place
A capricious anomaly in the sea of space
Planet Earth are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spaceship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn’t true
You are my sweetheart, soft and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
In my veins I’ve felt the mystery
Of corridors of time, books of history
Life songs of ages throbbing in my blood
Have danced the rhythm of the tide and flood
Your misty clouds, your electric storm
Were turbulent tempests in my own form
I’ve licked the salt, the bitter, the sweet
Of every encounter, of passion, of heat
Your riotous color, your fragrance, your taste
Have thrilled my senses beyond all haste
In your beauty, I’ve known the how
Of timeless bliss, this moment of now
Planet Earth, are you just
Floating by, a cloud of dust
A minor globe, about to bust
A piece of metal bound to rust
A speck of matter in a mindless void
A lonely spaceship, a large asteroid
Cold as a rock without a hue
Held together with a bit of glue
Something tells me this isn’t true
You are my sweetheart, gentle and blue
Do you care, have you a part
In the deepest emotions of my own heart
Tender with breezes caressing and whole
Alive with music, haunting my soul.
Planet Earth, gentle and blue
With all my heart, I love you.”

We are so focused on “my country” “their country” etc. etc. but in the end, we all live on the same planet, the same planetoid. We share the same water, the same soil…we are all one. So why can’t I say that I live on “Planet Earth” ? Why do I have to say Sweden? Why does it have to be so specific and why do some people despise other races around the world? We aren’t strangers, we are all the same..we are humans.

This is why I enjoy traveling, I can visit different places on our beautiful planet, enjoy the moment, the history and the beauty from different perspectives. I don’t like saying Sweden is my home, because it feels so limited, it makes me feel empty and sad.

For the past 10 years I’ve whispered these words to myself and it’s something that keeps me going towards my destinations in life.

I am from..Planet Earth. It’s my home and my place.

– Siara

Expectations

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when you read that word out loud? “Expectations” ? Is it a negative word or a positive?

Whenever I hear that word I think about, success, failure, sadness and happiness at the same time. I used to have expectations a lot in the past because I always thought positive back in the days but in the end, I realized that doing that would just hurt my feelings. I am not saying that you should think negative, not at all. My point is that if you have high expectation of things, you’ll end up getting disappointed and hurt. Nowadays, I end up not getting too excited over things and just take it as it comes. Sometimes, people might say things in the heat of the moment and when the time actually comes, they have already changed their minds. It has happened to me so many times and I just ended up changing my way of thinking to make me feel better.

So next time when you hear some news, take it as comes, don’t get super excited. That’s my advice for you.

But then again, you can do whatever you want. I am just a goofball writing this early in the morning whiles eating pizza, don’t listen to me.

– Siara

P.Keys – Art & Soul

Today I want to write about an indie artist named P.Keys. Some of may probably not know him, because he isn’t mainstream (unfortunately). I support a lot of independent creators because of their drive and creativity. Their art makes them unique and there is no limit to their creativity, the same goes to indie developers in the gaming industry. There are so many possibilities when you have more freedom and control.

P.Keys (Paul Kim) recently released an album called Art & Soul. I have been waiting for a new album since his last one, “My World” back in early 2015. Of course, he kept on releasing covers here and there on his channel but it felt like a tease to me.

I decided to give my truthful review on this album and spread awareness of this artist because he has his own type of style and I wish more people would notice him. If you’re into soul/RnB then you should definitely listen to his work of art.

Speaking of art, I really love the album cover. It’s different and I like different. Whoever drew it did a great job, well done.

album track:

1. Teach Me
2. Cleopatra
3. Passport
4. Sleepless in Tokyo
5. Lost in Translation
6. Fluently
7. Hoodies
8. The One
9. Know Your Worth
10. Vibe With Me
11. Naked

I am not gonna lie, it was quite hard to choose my top 3 from the list so I ended up picking 4 instead. I enjoyed every song but some songs didn’t suit my taste. That’s always the case with me with any artist. Big or small to be honest. All the lyrics were great but some of the beats were not my cup of tea (don’t hate me please).

Anyways, after 1 week of listening none stop of the album, I ended up choosing my top 4.

4. Teach Me

This song was released as a single/teaser before the album release and I must say, it’s one of my favourites still. It reminds me a bit of his old album, but a little twist to it somehow and I loved it.

3. Passport

This reminds me of the time I used to travel a lot when I was living in The States. So this song made me smile when I thought about those time. It’s the kind of song you want to listen to on a sunny day when you’re out and about.

2. Fluently

The chorus caught me to be honest. It had that slow vibe that made you want to listen to it on repeat and not getting tired of it. So I kept on doing it and now I can’t stop.

1. Cleopatra

My favorite track goes to “Cleopatra”. Why I fell in love with this piece was because of the intro, it gave me that midi/8 bit sound which reminded me of old school gaming. The beat and the lyrics just matched together along with his voice.

But I must say, this album is quite different compared to the previous album, it’s a good change though, nothing bad.

People like him needs to be noticed more, it’s a waste of talent.

P.Keys Music:

If you’re curious about his previous album then you can have a listen here:

– Siara